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Friday, February 10th, 2012

A Beyonce Story

Written By: Syreeta (@Only1Me_Syreeta)

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This has been a real trying time for me and Jay. It’s just been hard to cope lately since so much has happened. Sometimes I question if I’m strong enough to deal. Only God knows. Enough of this, I better get my head back into this writing.

 

(JZ) “Bey baby you coming to bed soon?”

(B) “I’m not tired yet.”

(JZ) “Don’t you think you should be relaxing before we leave tomorrow?” Jay comes over and stands by my side as I’m writing. He looks down at my lyrics. I look up at him annoyed. “I can’t see what you’re writing?”

(B) “I just really need to focus and your standing there is not helping.”

(JZ) “Okay. I’ll be up in the room. If you need anything let me know ok?”

 

That was it. I had enough. I catch up to him before he walks out.

 

(B) “How long are your going to treat me like this?”

(JZ) looking confused “Like what?”

(B) “Like an infant. I had a miscarriage…it happened it’s done! Stop coddling me Jay.”

(JZ) “I’m not tryna coddle you I’m just making sure you know I’m here…that’s all.”

(B) “I know you’re here ok?”

(JZ) “Ok Bey. Like I said I’ll be upstairs if you need anything.”

 

As soon as he leaves out of the office I break down and cry. I never knew how important becoming a mother was going to be to me until it actually happened. Oh the surprise we had and now…huh…shakes head in thought…I wipe my tears real quick and pull myself together. I can get through this. I decided to call it a night.

 

*******

 

The next day me and Jay got up early to go to the airport. We were flying to Chicago so I could be apart of the Oprah Farewell Spectacular. This was going to be good for me. It would be a nice distraction to take my mind off of myself and think about someone else. I was really surprised that they were able to keep this from Oprah as long as they have. I’m excited about the show. Once we got to our hotel room and was settled I called my mom and my sister back. They called checking up on me asking me was I sure I was up to doing this. Even if I wasn’t I’m not gonna cancel performing. This is for Oprah. I love her and it’s important to me that I be there. It’s not everyday you get asked to perform for a phenomenal woman. A woman who’s had a spectacular career as a talk show host for 25 years and now bringing that to an end. She’s touched so many peoples lives and definitely has had an impact on mine. I wouldn’t miss this for nothing.

 

Later on that evening me and Jay went out for dinner. He was handling me with care still. I mean it had been a few weeks since the miscarriage but to me everyday is like it was yesterday. I know he was concerned and just trying to be my shoulder or whatever I needed him to be, but I just didn’t know how to let him right now.

 

(JZ) “How’s ya food cause you barely touching it?”

(B) “How about we go out tonight. I mean we’re in Chicago let’s do something?”

(JZ) “Maybe you should save all that energy for ya rehearsal tomorrow ya know.” I suddenly see the waiter and put my hand up for him.

(B) “Can I have some Petrus please?”

(JZ) “Why you drinking now? I thought you were gonna wait?”

(B) “Jay it’s what I want. Waiter can you bring me a glass please?”

(W) “Yes madam. Anything for you sir?”

(JZ) “Nah I’m cool.” The waiter left the table. “Bey I just think we should talk about it some more. I think it’ll help.”

(B) “There you go again. Who said something was wrong? I’m just trying to enjoy this evening and you always find a way to bring that back up.”

(JZ) “I do it because I love you. Why won’t you open up to me?”

(B) “When I have something to open up about you’ll be the first to know.”

 

The waiter was back with my drink. Jay left that topic alone and we discussed the weeks festivities. After I finished my drink since Jay shot the idea of us going out down we ended up going back to the hotel room. I took a nice hot shower and was in the middle of lotioning my body when Jay came over to me and took the bottle out of my hand.

 

(B) “What are you doing?”

(JZ) “Shhh…pay attention I wanna show you something.”

(B) “Jay…”

 

He starts with the right side of my body and rubs the lotion on my shoulder then down my arm. My eyes are looking around the room instead of focusing on him. I wasn’t ready to feel yet, but I knew he was just trying to be sweet. After both arms were done his next stop was my legs. He got on his knees and gave them a good rub down. I have to admit his touch felt good. I didn’t realize how much it had been missed but I didn’t give in to it. I still refused. His hands smoothed the lotion down into my skin. He took his time once he got to my feet and massaged them. That really put a smile on my face. Then tenderly he kissed my toes.

 

(B) “Baby I appreciate what you’re doing but Jay I’m not ready.”

(JZ) “What I‘m doing?”

(B) “Jay.”

(JZ) “Alright. I’m just tryna make you feel good.”

(B) “Aw come here.” Jay comes in front of me still on his knees. I kiss his lips. “You know I love you right? I know I probably haven’t been acting like it lately with my actions, but I really do love you.”

(JZ) “Never doubted it. I guess you should get some rest now you gotta big day tomorrow.”

(B) “I am pretty tired.”

(JZ) “Come on.” He pulled the covers back for me to get under and then he turns out the light.

(B) “Jay!”

(JZ) “Yeah babe.”

(B) “Can you lay with me?”

(JZ) “You sure that’s all you want me to do?”

(B) smiles “Yes!”

 

Jay took his sneaks off and got comfortable so he could lay with me. I was already laying on my side so he just got in behind me and held me. I knew I had so much to be grateful for but having a miscarriage was still hard for me to digest. I know I wasn’t in it alone because it was Jay’s baby too but for some reason I felt alone.

 

*******

 

Today was the day of the show where I would perform and surprise Oprah. I had rehearsed my ass off so even though I was as prepared as I was going to be I was still nervous. I was backstage at the United Center waiting for Dakota Fanning to introduce me. Once she called my name Sasha Fierce was on. I performed my latest song “Run the World (Girls).” It was so befitting for Oprah because she has truly built an empire. A self made woman who I admire tremendously. The look on her face when she realized I was there was priceless. I made sure I made her proud. There was so much energy in the room. I fed off of it even more. The performance went off without a hitch and Oprah loved it. She gave me the biggest hug. I couldn’t believe her show was coming to an end. After the performance my biggest fan was waiting for me. We embraced.

 

(JZ) “Yea YEAHH! You did ya thing out there baby! You always amaze me…every time.”

(B) “Thank you baby.”

 

Me and Jay stayed and enjoyed the rest of the festivities. It was an awesome show. I felt so rejuvenated after listening to all the stories of the people who’s lives Oprah touched and how they were inspired by her. Being in that room did something for me and made me realize that as much as I blame myself for the miscarriage it wasn’t my fault. It made me see that this wonderful man I have really loves me no matter what. I realized no matter what it is that I’m going through he’ll be here and if I don’t have nothing else I got him. I don’t know, but I was so happy all of a sudden. Life was given back to me again and it was nothing without Jay. I knew we didn’t have nothing but love and Jay had enough for the both of us these past weeks because I was low on giving mine. That was about to change.

 

We didn’t get in until late that night since we were out partying at the after party that they had for Oprah. Jay thought I was going to do my usual routine, shower and then go to bed but I surprised him. He had his suit jacket off, but still in his dress shirt just sitting on the sofa in the front room, kinda laid back in the corner with his eyes shut. I walked over to him and sat on his lap. He started rubbing his hands down my silk night gown enjoying the contents of it. I could tell I surprised him. He must’ve thought I was sleep. I pulled his tie off since it was hanging around his neck untied. I lightly kissed on his neck first then making my way to his ear and then his lips. He smiles at me.

 

(JZ) “You are a wonderful woman you know that?”

(B) “I know I have a damn good man who loves me and is always here for me. A man who has proven he’ll always be here for me time and time again no matter what. You know…I was at my lowest when we lost the baby…tears fall…I didn’t know if I would ever get over it and for minute I shut down…and I shut you out.”

(JZ) “Aye it’s okay. It was a hard blow for both of us, but we gone keep doing what we do. We gone fight to see another day.” He was right. WE were going to fight. It wasn’t just me anymore.

(B) “Jay…make love to me…”

 

That was all I had to say. I got off of him and grabbed him by the hand. He followed behind me into the bedroom. I noticed him unbuttoning his shirt with the free hand as we walked. I turned to face him once we were in the room and finished unbuttoning the rest. Our lips passionately touch and the four play begins. Jay picks me up and I wrap my legs around him as we madly kiss. He walks me over to the bed and off comes my silk nighty. Jay stands before me ready for his sugar mama. I lay right back on the edge of the bed waiting for him to make love to me right there. He grabs my legs and slowly glides himself in. I huffed since it‘s been some time. Yesss…lawd it’s been some time but after a few more strokes I was ready for him to pick up the pace. Jay noticed it right away and upped the tempo. We were making sweet music together. Making hits, after hits, bumping and grinding to many different beats, a sweet collaboration that created one hell of a tune. We definitely created a song that night. One I plan on singing for the rest of my life.

 

a month later

 

(B) “Jay hurry come here!” Jay walks in the bedroom.

(JZ) “What’s up?”

(B) “Look!” hands pregnancy test stick

(JZ) “What’s plus mean?”

(B) points to chest1+ touches belly 1smiles…we’re pregnant!”