It’s early in the morning and I awake in the bed alone. I knew where Trey was but he wasn’t far enough.
I’d be a fool to stay even though I still love this man but it’s always Me 4 U. Everything is always 4U! I can’t do this no more Trey. What about me? I gotta get out of here…replays hearing “If I can’t have you no one can…It can only be me…” screams “Nooo!”
I jumped out the bed and picked up my phone to call the cops first. I explained what I was trying to do so they said they would send someone out. Then I ran to the closet and started gathering some of my things. Got a few pairs of shoes, jewelry and a few pocketbooks. Trey went to the corner store and even though I was pressed for time I had to make a run for it. I really believe if he gets back and catches me he will really lose it. God I hope the police will be here by then because I just want him to let me leave that’s all…no arrest…just let me go…pauses and wipe tears…why is it so hard for him to let me go…but I can’t stay as much as this is hurting me right now. I keep telling myself I have to do this Carmen…I have to leave him. I have to say goodbye. I grabbed his shirt and hugged it close for the last time…”goodbye Tremaine”…hangs shirt back up and turns around…jumps…
“What are you doing?”
“SHIT!” grabs heart…”You scared me!”
“Whatchu doing baby? You tryna leave out on me? Tryna sneak n’shit?”
I walk away from him and put the things in my hand in my suitcase. Trey angrily pushes the whole suitcase on the floor. Then he looks at me.
“Put dat shit back in the closet and get yo ass downstairs so we can eat.”
“No!” He looked at me like he was being disrespected.
“Fuck you say?”
“Carmen how many times we gone go through this? The only place you going is down those fuckin steps.”
Seconds later there was a bang on the door. It startled Trey.
“Who da fuck is that?”
“I’m sorry Trey. I had to do it.”
BANG! BANG! BANG! “IT”S THE POLICE! OPEN UP!”
“You called the fuckin cops on me?”
“I didn’t call them on you Trey I just wanted assurance that you would let me go.”
Trey went to go answer it. The cops grabbed him and put his arms behind his back and asked him for me. I quickly came partially down the stairs to let them know that I was fine and I just wanted to be able to get my things and leave, so don‘t hurt him. All I saw was hurt on Trey’s face. He was actually quiet and didn’t even put up a fight with the cops as they held him. He just looked at me while I looked at him. The one cop told me to go get my things which broke our stares so I went back up the steps and got them.
Once I came down I noticed they no longer were holding Trey. He was standing right by the door as I walked toward it with tears in his eyes. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything and walked out of it ahead of the cops. As soon as I was inside the police car my phone started ringing. It was Trey. Suddenly the tears started to fall again. I just decided to forward it. I couldn’t bare to talk to him at that moment. I barely could fathom the thought I was leaving. I was wondering if I was making a big mistake. Trey has been my life. I never pictured it without him. I never wanted too, but it’s only so much a person can take and as bad as I want things to be different between us I don’t think they ever will.
I knew I needed to leave and never look back so why did I. As we were driving off I saw Trey out on the step eyes fixed in the direction of the police vehicle as I was driven away in it. I had to muster up enough strength to keep my mouth shut and not tell the policeman to let me out. This really hurt, but I knew I had to be tougher than the pain. I had the cop drop me off at the last place I knew Trey would try to look for me. My God brother’s house. He knew a whole lot of my family but I never mentioned my God parents to him. I didn’t even ask my God brother if I could come there. He wasn’t even expecting me but he opened up his home to me a long time ago so today I’ll be there to take him up on that offer. Then my phone alerted me to a text. It was Trey again. It read: U 4 Me and Me 4 U always. I love you baby. I never knew love could feel like a Heart Attack and hurt this fuckin bad, but I’ll never love another girl…my love 4U ain’t goin nowhere…
Part of that text scared me and then part of it made my heart flutter. I couldn’t wait to get out of this car. I was in such pain on the inside all I wanted to do was crawl in the bed in a tiny ball and cry. All I kept hearing was his voice in my head and the different things he’d say to me. I knew I wasn’t crazy for leaving. I was crazy for staying so long. Minutes later we were there. One officer helped me with my bags and left them at the door. When I knocked my God brother Leonard was surprised and happy to see me. I didn’t even call him I just showed up. Thank God he was home. He asked me was everything alright since he saw the policeman, but I told him everything was fine. I just needed a ride. I could tell that response didn’t really fly with him but he accepted it at the time. When I left Trey I left my car and a lot of other things that were mine from him. I didn’t need it all. I just wanted to be free. Leonard grabbed my bags and we went inside. He was single so he had plenty of space. He had a ranch style house and led me to one of the bedrooms to put my things up. He could tell I was pretty shaken up so he told me we could talk after I was settled and ready. I hugged him for that and went right in the room, laid on the bed and cried. Trey called my phone so many times I finally shut it off. This was hard enough and he wasn’t helping.
The next day I decided to listen to one of the messages Trey left.
Carmen I need you baby. I love you so much please just talk to me. I promise to change. I don’t…I can’t be here alone without you…baby come home…don’t take ya love away from me like this. I can’t breathe without you baby…I’m hurting inside…I just want you to come back to me. I know I may not deserve your love but I love you and I’m never gonna stop…talk to me…click!
I found out later Trey called several of my girlfriends and family members looking for me. Everybody that he called ended up calling me to see if everything was ok. I told them that I left and he’s just looking for me, but I was fine. I made it seem like everything was ok and I’d call him. When he didn’t get anywhere with anybody he went back to calling me again. He left so many messages he ended up filling up my mailbox. Reluctantly I listened to another one. His message started out with him singing the first four words. It was eerie.
Just meeee for you….I’m coming for you baby. See you my world and even though I keep fuckin up I can’t let you leave. You my girl forever. You can run but you can’t hide. I’ma find you and make you happy again…that’s a promise…I love you.
His voice seemed off to me. I was a bit frightened but I was still concerned. This wasn’t my Trey. I knew if I didn’t talk to him he would never stop calling my phone or asking different ones about me so I decided to call him. He answered in seconds.
“Carmen baby where are you?”
“I’m not telling you Trey so can you stop calling everybody and getting them all worried about me. I’m fine.”
“Baby I’m sorry I keep messing up. I just love you so much…sometimes you make me crazy. Come home baby…please come back to me.”
“I can’t Trey. I’ve had enough! You don’t love me so just let me go.”
“How da fuck can you say that? Huh!”
There was that side showing again. I definitely had to stay strong.
“See! This is exactly why I’m not there right now. I don’t even know why I called you.”
“Because you love me and you know I love you too…I’d rather die than be here without you loving me Carmen. Baby I know I’ve done you wrong so many times when you didn’t deserve it and I’m sorry. I was wrong…so wrong for dat shit. I wish I would’ve done things differently now and baby I will if you give me another chance. I promise it’ll be the last.”
“I can’t Trey. I don’t believe you. You’re not gonna change. As much as I wanna believe you will, I know you won’t. It’s been too long you don’t know any other way to be.”
Trey’s tone changed real quick. He got real stern all of a sudden.
“When I find yo ass I’m bringing you home. I’ll never let you go and allow you to love another man. You hear me? I meant what I said. If I can‘t have you no one can. YOU MY WOMAN!”
I got scared and hung up. He said those same words again “If I can’t have you no one can.” He was serious. He never was going to let me go. I didn’t know what to do. I wished I wouldn’t of called him. It just added to my misery. I laid back on the bed, hugged the pillow and ended up crying myself to sleep.
I had been at my God brothers house for a few days now trying to cope. I didn’t know what was going on with Trey, but I missed him. I knew we were no good for each other anymore and he was toxic to me but I still missed him. I’ve tried to keep myself occupied by doing the grocery shopping for Leonard and running what ever errands he needed done since I didn’t have a job. I made sure he had dinner cooked and even did his laundry. A lot of the same things I use to do for Trey. I was in the middle of making myself something to eat when there was a knock on the door. Leonard was at work and I wasn’t expecting anyone. I turned the stove off and walked over to the door. I tried to look and see who it was through the peek hole but it was blocked. Then when I went to the window they had their back turned and I really couldn’t tell who it was except for the fact that it was a female. I opened it.
“Hi! Is this the Daniels residence?”
“No. I’m sorry you have the wrong address.”
“Oops! I just noticed that’s a different number on the door than what I was looking for…duh! I’m sorry.”
As soon as the girl said that and turned to walk away Trey appeared. He must was standing on the side of the house hiding. I was being set up. I realized it and got scared and went to shut the door, but he pushed his way in. I ran in the kitchen and grabbed the hot frying pan that I had sitting on the stove with food in it.
“Carmen baby wait! I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m just here to talk to you.”
“NO! GET AWAY FROM ME TREY!”
He slowly comes toward me with his hands out. As he comes forward I move away.
“I’m not gonna hurt you baby. I love you too much to do that. I’m only here because I love you.”
“What do you want Trey? Why are you doing this? You stalking me now?”
“You think I’m crazy huh?”
“No! I don’t okay! I just want you to leave me alone.”
“I can’t! I wanna make up to you all the hurt and pain I’ve caused you. I’m here to love you better baby. Just let me.”
I started to cry.
“No! You had your chance and you blew it. Time and time again I trusted and believed that you were gonna change and really love me like I deserved. But I wasn’t good enough. I was never enough for you. You always had to have more. Well now you can okay. I can’t do this with you anymore so just go.”
He had this look like my words were tearing him to shreds. Like he really felt all the hurt and pain that I had been feeling for so long.
“Can’t you see that I love you? I don’t want another woman. I don’t wanna touch another woman…walks a little closer…I only want to have you in my arms…feel ya lips pressed up against mine…ya scent laying next to me…you’re the only woman that I’ll ever truly love…please baby believe me.”
I was confused. I wanted to hit him with the pan but he looked so pitiful and serious. Then I saw tears falling from his eyes. That confused me even more. I was stuck.
speaks softly “I love you so much…come on baby…put that down and really listen to me. I’ma change…I promise.”
He inches a little closer and I allow him too. He takes the pan out of my hands slowly and puts it on the countertop. Then he pulled me close. We were face to face. He gave me several small pecks on my lips. I didn’t fully kiss him back right away but who was I kidding. I still loved him.
“Baby come on home. Get ya things and lets get outta here…we goin home where you belong.”
“Wait a minute. How’d you know I was here anyway?”
“Does that really matter? Come on. Go get ya things and lets go.”
I went in the room and got my things together. I left Leonard a note thanking him and letting him know I went back home. As we were riding in the car Trey had his hand resting on my leg rubbing it. He had a smile on his face like he was happy I was coming back. That made me feel real good about deciding to.
He carried my bags and put them upstairs. I followed behind him since I was going to put my things away. Before I could touch anything Trey took me by the hand and stood in front of me. I didn’t know what he was about to do. He put both his hands on the sides of my face and smiled as he looked into my eyes.
“Make love to me.”
He started kissing on my face and all around my neck. My body was weakening. I gave in and began kissing him back. We took our clothes off and he laid me down on the bed and made love to me. He was so gentle and took his time with me unlike before. I haven’t felt this from Trey in a long time. The way he caressed me and catered to me felt like heaven. He said for me to make love to him and yet he convincingly made love to me. Making me feel like he was really ready to change and love only me. He held me so tight once we were done and just kept kissing my face. He made me melt and in that moment I remembered why I truly loved him in the first place.
“I got something for you baby. I promise you’ll never walk out on me again.”
I curiously look back at him. He points me in the direction of this circular gadget on the ceiling.
“You see that up there? It’s a camera…whispers…I gotchu baby…I gotchu!”
I still didn’t understand. Then he directed my eyes to a gun that was sitting on the dresser with a pair of black leather gloves beside it. I never even noticed it. I realized I made a big mistake. He squeezed me close again and started to sing that same tune as he did on my phone before.
“Just meeee 4U.”
***PSA – If you find yourself in an abusive relationship please know that there is a way out. Don’t continue to be a victim. If you or anyone you know are experiencing some type of abuse please call or share this number – 800.621.HOPE (4673). It just could save a life.***