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Archive for May, 2013

Girl On Girl (Bonus)

Monday, May 20th, 2013

Forgiven Me

A Trey Songz Story

Written by Syreeta (@Only1ME_Syreeta)

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Dasia

 

Life is so full of surprises. One minute you’ve hit rock bottom and think you’re doomed and there’s no way out. Suddenly something or someone is there to show you that all hope isn’t lost. I thank God for putting obstacles and people in my life like that to test what I’m made of. Only he knew than that it wasn’t over for me yet. I’m glad now I finally know it too.

 

A lot has changed in this life of mine. I’ve been building my relationship with God and it has been the sweetest thing. I joined a church in my area and also started going to Bible study. It was tough in the beginning, because I was still trying to find my way. I didn’t know what was going to be expected of me. Like, was I supposed to act a certain way and change certain things that I wanted to do?

 

As I got further into my walk with him, I realized that he loves me; all of me, and as long as I kept him in the mist of my life and knew he was the reason I live, I saw that I couldn’t help but to change. Why? Because things started happening in my life that automatically had me changing. Like now, my attitude is different and I’m more conscious of  the decisions that I’m making. My mind and my heart has been changed and I’m no longer that foolish girl anymore. My spirit has been renewed and I am a brand new me. I’m loving life now and more importantly I’m loving myself. I never thought I’d say that, let alone mean it, but I do. All glory to God.

 

I’ve been enjoying getting to know myself and spending some time with me. It’s been an eye opener that’s for sure, but one I’m really happy with. I’ve finally learned to leave my past in the past, but not forgetting it’s made me the person I am today.

 

I haven’t dated at all. I’ve had plenty of offers, some from church members wanting to grab a bite after service or take me to dinner, but I would decline. Yes, I do miss companionship of the male kind only that is, but I’m taking my time. It’s been a little over two years since I’ve been single; sticking with God and Girl, but I’m in a good space right now. I don’t think I’m ready to share it just yet.

 

I’ve tried to make amends with Jojo. I just felt like I really needed her to know how sorry I was. I don’t think she really cared for my apology, but I did it for me. I’ve even bumped into Duane again. That was very interesting. One evening; awhile back, I decided to go to this poetry reading that was being held over at Borough of Manhattan Community College. I was sitting in my seat about to leave when he came over to me.

 

Recalls conversation

 

“Well, well, well. What have we here? You looking good shawty…dayum! What’s gotten into you?”

 

I stood up. “Hello Duane. I’m surprised to see you here. Since when did you get into poetry?”

 

“I just came with a friend of mine.”

 

“Is that her over there staring at me?” I asked.

 

He turns to see. “Yeah, that’s her.”

 

“So why isn’t she over here with you?”

 

“Because, I told her to wait for me over there.”

 

“Well, that’s good you’re spending time out and doing things with someone that you care about.”

 

“Who said she was someone I cared about? She justa friend. The one I really care about is standing in front of me.”

 

shakes head “Some things never change I see. It was good seeing you Duane. Take care of yourself.”

 

 

I try to leave, but he steps in front of me.

 

“I miss you.” I say nothing. Then he asks, “You don’t miss me too?”

 

This was an easy answer.

 

“Hmm, let’s see. It’s been how many years and we’ve only bumped into each other twice? This time though you’re actually with another female, but you say you miss me? You don’t miss me Duane. I think you just miss what I did for you, but I’m doing things for me now. So I’d have to say no, I don’t miss you. No hard feeling though. I do forgive you.”

 

“Forgive me? Who you think you are now? A fuck’n saint!”

 

“I knew it was only a matter of time before the real Duane showed up,” I said. “I gotta go. Nothing more needs to be said here.”

 

I smiled and left. As I think back about that day, it felt so good not to be emotionally charged when I walked away from him. I had a peace about me that couldn’t be touched. I knew I was healed, because there was no pain there. I was so happy that I wasn’t that scorn and bitter person that I use to be when it came to him. God has really been working in my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

*******

 

It’s a few days before Thanksgiving and Lord knows I have a lot to be thankful for. Roe being one of them. She has really been a great friend to me when I really wasn’t a good one to her. She always told me once we started hanging again, when I was with Jojo, that I was on dangerous ground. She knew it could only end badly if Jojo ever found out about Trey. I guess I needed to learn the hard way.

 

Speaking of Trey, I miss him. I’ve spoken to him from time to time, but not a lot. He calls to check on me and to see how I’m making out, but it hasn’t been too much. He’s been on tour and then just busy with hosting other events; making his living. The last time I spoke to him, he told me once things slowed down for him, he was going to come see me. I told him I would like that. I really do miss my friend. I appreciate him so much more now and I’m glad to still be considered a friend to him.

 

Since Thanksgiving is only around the corner, today Roe and I have volunteered to put together food baskets. We’re  preparing them to go out to different families in need. We were in the kitchen of the community center gathering the can goods and separating the food, to be put in the baskets. Suddenly we hear all this screaming and yelling.

 

“What’s all the commotion out there?” I said. “I wonder what’s getting everybody so excited.”

 

“I don’t know, but you know me, I’m about to go find out,” said Roe.

 

She peeked out the door of the kitchen to see what she could see.

 

“Oh my damn!”

 

I stopped what I was doing. “What?” I walked over and peeked over her shoulder. There was this big delivery of food, but not only that, Trey was out there signing autographs and talking to the staff and different ones that was out there. I couldn’t believe it. I pushed past Roe so fast she didn’t know what had gotten into me. I yelled for him.

 

“Trey!”

 

He looks up and smiles. He finished up signing a pamphlet someone had and then started walking toward me, but I ran to him. I was so excited and happy to see him. I had this rush of feelings that had come out of nowhere. He grabbed me up so tight, I got lost in him.

 

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

 

“I wanted to make a donation.”

 

I smiled so big. “You have such a kind heart, you know that?”

 

“I have another reason too.”

 

“You’re here on business right?”

 

“Hmm, you can say that.”

 

“Did you know I was here?”

 

Trey and I couldn’t really talk because there was so many people standing around some still wanting autographs and others snapping pictures in his face.

 

“Is there somewhere private in here where we can talk real quick?”

 

“Yeah, I know just the spot.” I got everyone’s attention before we walked off. “Guys can you excuse us for a minute? I promise to bring him back.”

 

I had so many evil stares and heard a few smart remarks when I said that. Everyone wasn’t my friend in there. They were volunteering just like me and not all of them knew Trey and I were acquaintances. I ignored the ignorance. Just because I’ve changed how I may react to certain situations doesn’t mean the world has. With his bodyguards assistance I took Trey away from the crowd and into one of the classrooms in the center. We went in alone. As soon as I shut the door he gave me another hug, but this one was way more intense than the first. Then he looks me over.

 

“Man! You look beautiful baby.”

 

I couldn’t get over how much he had me smiling. I felt so silly. “Thank you Trey. You don’t look so bad yourself. Always got the women tripping over you I see still. I know the rest of my day here is gonna be nothing but evil stares and turned up faces from those people, once I go back out there.”

 

“That’s too bad. I wanted you to hang out with me for the rest of ya day.”

 

“Aw really?”

 

“Yeah. Have dinner with me tonight.”

 

“I would love too.”

 

His face looked like he was expecting a different answer. “You sure?”

 

“You sound surprised.”

 

grins “I did didn’t I…I guess ‘cause I was…I mean, I am.”

 

He suddenly seemed on edge. I start laughing.

 

“What’s wrong with you?”

 

“Whatchu mean?”

 

“You seem nervous all of a sudden.”

 

“I can’t get nervous too sometimes?”

 

“But why? It’s only me.”

 

“Girl you don’t know how you making me feel right now. It’s like I’m being blinded by this precious jewel that’s in front of me. A diamond that’s been polished, shining like the sun. You making my mind not able to think straight.”

 

bashfully smiles “I do wear this glow rather nicely I must say.”

 

“Seriously…ya transformation is…baby you’re everything I thought you always were, but the best part about now, is you know it too.”

 

I just stared at him smiling and embracing his words. He always would say the nicest things to me and I never could accept them, but today I can. To think, I made him nervous, that was real surprising to me. Having him here made me so happy, I kissed him. I didn’t hold back either, but neither did he once I initiated it. He smiled.

 

“What was that for?”

 

My eyes suddenly got watery as I answered him.

 

“For being a friend to me even when I didn’t deserve it. For sticking by me when you could’ve left. For treating me with nothing but respect and for showing me love even when I couldn’t fully appreciate it. Trey, you loved me when I didn’t even love myself and for that I thank you.”

 

A single tear had fallen from one of my eyes while the other sat on my eyelid making a puddle. He puts both hands on my face. He fans his fingers out with the right hand and wipes the tear away. Then he hugs me again. I closed my eyes and the rest of the tears began to fall. He kept me so snug in his arms, I just held on to him as we shared that intimate moment. Seconds later I look up to him.

 

“Trey, about the baby…”

 

He puts his fingers to my lips silencing me.

 

“Don’t say another word. I’m not here to talk about the baby. That was a different time for the both of us. I don’t even hold it against you.” He pinches my chin. “A’ight?”

 

My throat muscles suddenly collapsed and I couldn’t respond and had to swallow. I was literally choked up. His words made my life. Finally I was able to reply. “Okay,” I said. I wiped my eyes trying not to mess up my make-up, before my face had been immersed in tears, and looked like a maze had been drawn on it. “Sorry about that, my eyes have been waterfalls lately. I could be watching a commercial and start crying.”

 

Trey laughs. “That’s the weeping willow in you,” he says jokingly. Now we’re both laughing. “So I’ll see you tonight?”

 

“You bet! What time should I be ready?”

 

“I’ll come through about 6:00 pm.”

 

He kisses me before we walk out of the classroom and back where the swoon of people were patiently waiting. I returned  to the kitchen area. Roe was in there. She smacks my arm catching me by surprise.

 

“Ow!” I whined, “What’d you do that for?”

 

“What happened with SD?”

 

I couldn’t help but to laugh…hard! There were other ladies staring at me as I predicted, but they hurriedly left out of there to catch Trey. I told Roe I would talk to her once we were finished working. Trey had dropped off so much food it looked like a mini mart in there. As I went through and made several piles, I thought about his generosity. I also thought about our baby.

 

I use to constantly beat myself up because I took his choice away to be a father. It took some time, but finally I have Forgiven Me. God has forgiven me, along with the other careless decisions that I’ve made in the past. Now today, I was so elated to know that Trey has forgiven me too. He didn’t hold the choice, that I ultimately made for the both of us, against me. I was grateful.

 

What better timing could it had been for me to see Trey, since this is the time of year when we mostly express our gratitude. I’ve been given another chance. Another chance to say thank you and another reason to give thanks. Plus, I’m going to dinner with Trey tonight. Another chance to make some new memories. I don’t know what the future may hold if anything for us, but right now it’s looking pretty darn good. The things that start to happen in your life when you let go and let God. Thank you father.